Wednesday, June 24, 2009
9:53 PM
mixed emotions. mixed feelings.
how is it that one can want something, but feel the strong urge to resist. maybe it's not an urge to resist, more of fear. it's hard going back to the good old days, seeing how everyone have grown so bonded together. i really want to, but i know if i really do, i would only end up feeling more ostracized. my presence would only make me feel "extra", make you all feel that i'm "weird".
i guess it's really up to me now. the calling's so strong and yet the fear inside of me is overwhelming. ohgosh, i need to realise since i've made this decision, that's it. no more turning back, no more thinking about it. the only path left is to forget. but sometimes forgetting is torture. considering the many times we spent together, just going crazy and pouring out to each other our thoughts.
i'm happy for you. it's just, i feel sad that this is how it ended. no more meetings, no more messages, no more outings, no more msn-ing, no more mass convos. i guess it's really the end of it for me. i'm sorry if i've disappointed you. but seeing how happy you are now, i can only wish you all the best in the future yeah.
maybe one day we'll meet again. maybe one day we'll go out and relive those memories. maybe.wishing time could turn around. three months is all i need. i promise i'll never take that path i took before, but all this, is just a plain fantasy of mine.